Redemption Breakthrough...

So much had happened through out the past few weeks. Been feeling emo all the time, some good stuffs, some not-so-good stuffs; some joyous moments, some testing of faith. And despite of all this things that happened, I’m still Jowen, trying to understand the complexity and the roughness of life.

All this while, I was somewhat a silent person I take upon myself all things that happened, and not wanting to share. I always think

“This is my problem, so why do I have to share? What has it got to do with you?”

And so during the past few weeks, emotions after feelings after thoughts filled me up, and it somewhat got to the point of overflowing. Being the not-wanting-to-share kind of person, I felt that I was going to fall,, and never to get up again. My mind had been playing tricks on me over and over again. I was so lost, depressed and tired, while the future looked so bleak for me.

Things started to changed after I made the decision to share. I met up with an old primary school buddy, more like my best pal, and we started sharing. Before this, I was pessimistic about this friend capability. . we seldom chat, seldom meet, and even though we meet, it’s only like the kind of “Hi…..Bye” kind of friend. Yea, that was what I thought of him before this, though I realized of my friends caring heart. We started sharing our thoughts and our views one day, and BAAAAMMMM!!!!!!! One moment I was feeling down to the floor, and the next moment, feel like I am higher then cloud nine! We shared from night after dinner till around the wee hours of the morning, and the words that were said were like a rattling gun bullets, shooting non-stop till my pride, my ego, my selfishness were all gone. Words of healing, words of care, words of comfort, and words of love just poured out upon my life, that I couldn’t absorbed nor take it anymore. I felt completely humbled and was broken to the heart.

For a moment, I was stunned, I didn’t know how to respond. Even though words rained down like thunderstorm, but I couldn’t helped it but listen. I heard God spoke His word in the Bible.

“For God work for the good of those who love Him”

All I knew during that sharing session was that the friend was God-sent. He opened up my eyes to see the unseen, and to hear the unheard. Throughout this period of time, I couldn’t seem to forget how God moved and spoke to me through this friend of mine. And one thing mentioned was that all of us are caught up in a mind-hole, where we just focus our mind internally, and not wanting to venture out and to experienced new stuffs. I thought that I would be able to accept whatever changes around me. But I was terribly wrong. I didn’t think out of that hole. I thought I was right all the time. I felt guilt, a strong sense of guilt overcame me, and depressed as well. A great man once said

“You will not discover great oceans till you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”

Another bomb of realization exploded within me. I had underestimated myself. I could have found a solution out of this trouble and maze, but I was afraid, I was scared. I was fearful that I will sink even more. But the most important thing that slipped my mind in all these problems, was that My Lord Jesus will carry me through this.

“ But those who hope on The Lord will soar on wings like eagles, there will run and not grow weary, will walk and not be faint. “

God will always extend His mighty hand for me. But I was too proud to let Him change me. I was so stubborn. I realized it only now, and deep in my heart, I deeply thank Jesus for opening my closed mind and eyes, and also to the special friend that shared with me. Though we had lost contact for many years, but you are and continue will be my best friend .... now I knew the power that comes by sharing.

I have been talking much with another friend of mine, and I really would like to say Thank You. Despite of your hectic schedule in uni, and in church, you still spent your time with me, listening to me, and extending what ever help you can for me. Truly you have been a superb friend I have ever had, and deep down in my heart, I thank you for the time we spent together talking, being in the same boat as me, and offering your hand though I didn’t want to take it at first. All the talks we had are carved deep unto my heart, and deeply appreciated.

“Leave your sadness on sand, that it will be swept away, but carved your gratitude and thanksgiving on stone, for it will remain forever”

To you, MM & CS, you have been such a blessing to me, and also a great friend. I thank the Lord for bringing you into my life. words can't describe the thankfulness i have with you.

I’ve realized,
I’ve learned;
I’ve confident,
That I’ll soar in life

* This is a long emo post, and to you who read it from beginning to end, A BIG THANK YOU to you, and I hope my experience will be a breakthrough in your life as well. *

God Bless You