Helpless and devastated.....

Been having sleepless night recently. I don't know whether is because of exam stress or not, but the feeling of not sleeping doesn't comes from books, or any academic matter, for i know, i've studied alot, and been able to recall what i've studied in the exam. No, its the feeling of being betrayed, and being looked down by some one I trusted, some one i cared for, and some one I who is my closest friend.

Looks like every one in some part of their life, will go through some stages of testing. Testing of maturity, testing of faith, testing that comes from above. But somehow, I can’t managed to pass the test, its somewhat ironic I should say, a friend just come and stab you at the back, although some may think," well, what do you know? You are a big boy, stopped putting childish things above your life." But then the feeling of anger, and hatred just burns out when my friend do this to me.

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Sadness, bitterness and anger
Are just part of being emotional
Love, hope and trust
Being robbed away by he who wants

I can’t go on
Without the guidance of some one
I can’t live on
To face the reality of being scorned upon

Without you by my side
Things go wrong in my life
I should admit that I am not in delight
Of you being away from my sight

Friends come, and friends go
But tears come, and always will flow
Over and over out from the depths of my ego
I can’t wait to see, if there’s any tomorrow

Lord, I have been sad and broken
Only You are the way to Heaven
I trusted in You for Salvation
And though all these things are already given
But there seemed to me, all this are an illusion
Of me being kept in delusion

Lord, forgive me my iniquities
For You have been true and just to me
I’ve made You too small and I’ve not seen
The greatness and the power of Him

I surrender my heart, my thoughts and my life
To You without keeping anything inside
i would like to say Bye bye
To all the problems that make me fried

-Jowen-